Messages the Abusive Woman uses to control her children:

I am a wonderful mother and you owe me for having taken care of you and raised you because I sacrificed so much for you.  You are responsible for my happiness and I should be the central person in your life for the rest of your life.

You owe it to me to tell me everything that is going on in your life so that I can use it to manipulate and control you and give you guilt.

 

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PTSD was first recognized in DSM III (1980).   PTSD is the only diagnostic category based on the impact of outside events on an individual.   There has been increased recognition that law enforcement is a profession with high levels of PTSD; 7 – 35% of all officers are presently experiencing symptoms.  Research demonstrates that the symptoms of PTSD adversely impact an officer’s ability to do his/her job.

 

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Summarized by Nancy Davis, Ph.D. from the books, articles, lectures and personal communication of FBI Special Agent Roy Hazelwood (now retired).  As Mr. Hazelwood designed and carried out research to construct a profile that could be used to identify men who were sexual sadists, he became curious about why their wives and girlfriends would allow themselves to be tortured.  These men seemed unwilling to reveal the answers Mr. Hazelwood sought, so he designed a research project that profiled these women.  Two women who were seeing Dr. Davis in therapy became part of his research and she sat with each woman as Mr. Hazelwood asked them hundreds of questions.  Dr. Davis has also seen many of these women in therapy.

1.  The man selects a woman who has low self-esteem.  Previous theory blamed the victim for picking an abuser, but research shows it is the abuser who focuses on someone that is easy to manipulate and has problems with confrontation and anger.  Often the woman was abused in some way as a child, making them more vulnerable to manipulation.  Usually this woman has had a major loss or crisis shortly before meeting the man, making her less "on guard" to manipulation and more needy.  In many cases, the man picks a woman who loves children and pets because he can threaten to hurt the things she loves to control her.  Some men pick women who are successful and of higher status than they are as a challenge because they like to “bring them down."

 

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Questions to consider in Evaluating an Intimate Relationship

© 2007; Nancy Davis, Ph.D.

 

1. Capacity to care about others

Does he/she get pleasure just from giving or only give to get something in return?

Is he/she self-centered?  If you pay attention, is it clear that he/she always puts him/herself first?  How much does he/she talk about themselves?  Are “I” and “me” overused when he or she talks or writes?

Does he/she believe clothes, cars, jewelry measure importance or that your value as a person comes from your ability to love, responsibility, trust, work ethic, etc.?

Does he/she ask questions of you that allow you to reveal the deepest level of who you are?  Does he/she listen to you; really know you?  Really care about who you are?

 

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Nancy Davis, Ph.D.

These are stories I have been told from  patients, friends, business associates and others.  Their experiences are offered as a way of extending comfort to anyone who has lost a loved one…perhaps these stories may change your concept of death and dying as they have mine.

 

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Professionals who work with children and adolescents quickly discover that child abuse is a common cause of dysfunction in children.  These professionals readily accept that becoming familiar with the symptoms and treatment of child abuse is necessary to be a competent child therapist.  In recent years it has become clear that a working knowledge of the ground rules for interacting with the legal system is also a critical dimension for health care professionals working in this area.

 

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Flushing and Erasing are techniques that can help to decrease a young child's fear of an abuser or some other scary person.  These techniques are not to be used when the abuser is a parent and the child must continue to interact with that parent.  These treatment techniques are appropriate to use only when the child is safe and cannot be hurt or abused again by this abuser or the scary figure.  They are designed to reduce inappropriate or life-altering fear and should not be used to interfere with fear which is appropriate and protective.

 

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 For use with adolescents and adults:

1. Put the client into a hypnotic trance  
2. Say the following, adding the appropriate variations so that the technique is individualized for each client or patient.  The underlined portions are those which are used again and again:

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